sleepless nights...

i'm planning to do a comic strip, even perhaps tonight as i continue to suffer from late pregnancy insomnia. yesterday was worse. i couldn't sleep and i was in pain and discomfort and feeling freaked out. then i got hives again, which is starting to be almost daily, usually i wake up in the morning itchy with hives on legs or legs and arms. one time last week i woke up at 3am and had terrible itchiness and hives that was almost gone by morning but it was hard to get back to sleep. turns out hives are another lovely part of pregnancy especially in last trimester. i know it's nothing i'm eating different. i guess i'm allergic to being pregnant!
this is one of my complainy posts. keep in mind that i'm greatful that i've survived thus far on no meds and i'm aware i'm doing a pretty good job considering. one of the nice things my pdoc said in our last session was to tell me to keep in mind that i'm doing a great job as a mother. i of course protested that i wasn't yet a mother. and he said that i was and had taken great care of the baby thus far. it was so sweet and heartfelt and really meant a lot to hear that from him.
anyway back to my moaning. last night was terrible as the fake contractions were quite uncomfortable and she was moving so much. she likes to move when i get in bed and try to go to sleep. like, now she's not moving, but if i lie down she'll start her party. usually i get a kick, pun intended, out of her shifting and moving around but not when i get in bed and try to sleep. i ended up takign another bath late last night to try to get comfortable but got hives after and sat on the couch for another couple of hours trying to read and distract myself. poor denzel got woken up and unlike me he was not able to sleep late this morning.
my best sleep hours are after elvis' morning walk if i have an hour or more to go back to bed. by then the 'baby" i know she's still a fetus but she feels like a big ol baby, is calmer and not moving around as much and the pain is gone.
now it's after midnight and i feel ok but i'm not tired. maybe this sleeping issue is supposed to prepare me for not sleeping soon.
but last friday night i had a really bad short lived episode that i was convinced was partly caused by only getting four hours of sleep the night before. i really felt like a mental patient and my behavior was quite crazy. luckily denzel was very caring and sweet when he realized i was having a meltdown. i wont go into details but i had paint all over my face and legs and finally erupted into uncontrollable crying and was feeling so crazy i didnt know what to do with myself. i was full of self hatred and fear and thoughts that i couldnt have the baby.
that has since passed but the weekend was rough.
on a nicer note today i went to denzel's office and they had planned a surprise shower for him. he had no idea i'd show up. all his coworkers were very sweet and they gave us really adorable generous gifts and the cakes were great. cake is super important when you're pregnant, especially ice cream cake. one of his coworkers had gotten some cakes shaped like baby booties and stuff like that. i'm already looking forward to sampling the leftovers for breakfast as i had two peices of ice cream cake at the shower (one for me, one for baby of course) and no room for more cake.
the only issue with all these nice gifts and showers is that i'm not naturally organized, so dealing with thank you notes is rough. we still have to figure out some of the gifts that somehow we cant remember who gave us and cant find cards that go with it.
this baby girl is already a clothes horse and isnt even here yet! i must say my fantasies about having a girl and enjoying all the clothing are totally living up in reality. i get a total kick out of every little outfit, and as we have tried to avoid too much pink, it's really great because she has some kickass outfits in all different colors, including cute hand me downs from my nephews. boy baby clothing is cute for girls just as much as all the cute dresses and the pygamaz (new fun spelling)! i wish they made some of those footsie pjs for adults too...
so i'll end on this up note. i'm also planning to try this weekend to make her a baby book by copying some stuff out of a store bought one in a blank journal and decorating the cover and all the pages and then taking the store bought one back to the store. i hope i get it done. i still have to finish her blanket that i started making...