still no comic strip...
feeling ok now but earlier in the day i cried a few times... yesterday i cried on the way to the baby party with denzel. my friend and her husband and beautiful baby had a very nice party for us but i was not in a great mood at the beginning. everyone seemed to have a good time and i was glad in the end that i had decided to have a coed party rather than a typical shower. we've gotten some great and lovely gifts for the baby.
plus the ice cream cake! i splurged on a yummy ice cream cake that was great. i had two pieces and i know it was good because my picky gourmet mother had two pieces. my father also came to the party and they enjoyed hanging out with my friends. my sister brought her kids and husband.
by the time we got home i was feeling uncomfortable and sort of muscle pain from the fetus moving around and stretching.
i'm still anxious about everything and also money.
today i took elvis out for his late birthday special walk to the park by the water and he enjoyed it and had a lot of energy. i cried on the way there and on the way home and when i got home.
denzel and i took a long walk in the pouring rain and got soaked looking at dressers to possibly use for the baby. there was a bamboo type tray at a store that we joked about being the perfect baby changer. we'll probably just change her on the bed or the dining room table with a towel. i'm starting to get annoyed at all the ridiculous marketing geared at making new parents spend money they don't have.
i feel huge and can't believe how big i am and don't recognize myself anymore though friends say the nice thing about me looking the same except for the big belly. at least my face is not all puffy. i dont' understand how people say they love being pregnant. i am happy to have the baby moving inside me but i don't love being pregnant. i miss my meds and my old normal body and being able to bend over and cut my own toenails and do activities like exercise (which i was so not into before being pregnant but there's nothing like being unable to do something to make you want to do it) and having energy. and the crying feels weird, i feel like i'm a kid crying and scared and helpless.
tomorrow we go back to the doctor.
plus the ice cream cake! i splurged on a yummy ice cream cake that was great. i had two pieces and i know it was good because my picky gourmet mother had two pieces. my father also came to the party and they enjoyed hanging out with my friends. my sister brought her kids and husband.
by the time we got home i was feeling uncomfortable and sort of muscle pain from the fetus moving around and stretching.
i'm still anxious about everything and also money.
today i took elvis out for his late birthday special walk to the park by the water and he enjoyed it and had a lot of energy. i cried on the way there and on the way home and when i got home.
denzel and i took a long walk in the pouring rain and got soaked looking at dressers to possibly use for the baby. there was a bamboo type tray at a store that we joked about being the perfect baby changer. we'll probably just change her on the bed or the dining room table with a towel. i'm starting to get annoyed at all the ridiculous marketing geared at making new parents spend money they don't have.
i feel huge and can't believe how big i am and don't recognize myself anymore though friends say the nice thing about me looking the same except for the big belly. at least my face is not all puffy. i dont' understand how people say they love being pregnant. i am happy to have the baby moving inside me but i don't love being pregnant. i miss my meds and my old normal body and being able to bend over and cut my own toenails and do activities like exercise (which i was so not into before being pregnant but there's nothing like being unable to do something to make you want to do it) and having energy. and the crying feels weird, i feel like i'm a kid crying and scared and helpless.
tomorrow we go back to the doctor.
Labels: anxiety, body, creative block, doggie, medication, pregnant, self hatred
posted by marlena rivers at
8:14 PM
5 Comments:
Your baby party sounds like it was nice. Being prego sucks!!! I so agree with you...it was one of the worst times in my life...but what I got at the end was so worth it. I know I'm not a real good mother but I do the best I can with the abilities that I got. Cryin is just part of life get use to it, I still cry at weird times and for no reason. I cried when Baby cried at times...it will all be ok and you will survive and you will soon have your little girl and when you hold her and look at her none of it will matter. BTW she will have a smell that is intoxicating...really...you will have never smelt anything like it before and you will not find it any where but with her. My baby is 15 and at night after she is showered and ready for bed she sometimes will sit and lean on me on the couch...and she still has that smell...it is a wonderful smell and the feeling it gives is undescribable...oh yeah there is also other smells that will come from her and they ain't so nice :o
Hang in there m'dear--and the ice-cream cake really was delicious, I never eat ice-cream but I was totally won over! Mmmmm....
Don't feel bad about not enjoying being pregnant or not loving it. I hated pregnancy.. I love my kids but I hated everypart of being pregnant.. pregnancy was so hard on me.. Its not easy..
And crying is part of it.. When Wyatt is being a bear.. I still cry..LOL.. He turned 11 months yesterday.. I can't believe my LAST baby is going to be a year old in a month! It blows my mind. Before long you'll be saying that too!
Chin up my dear! Not much longer and you are beautiful even if you dont feel it right now..
Having a baby doesn't have to cost a fortune anymore. Check out ebay.com for affordable stuff. (Does that sound like an ad or what?)
Many women don't like being pregnant. Luckily it doesn't last forever, even though it feels this way the last 6 weeks!
Hang in there! Things will work out - trust me :)
Amanda is right - it is not so bad financially anymore...Do you have Walmart? Target? 2nd hand stores, flea markets...
You will do great...the best is yet to come :)
Tery - Dreamwriter
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