elvis is dying

elvis is dying of a brain tumor. no further doctor visits can do anything. i dont know how long to wait for him to go on his own which i would of course prefer. i dont want to have to bring him in for a last procedure. he's sleeping comfortably right now and when i look at him i can't believe he is dying.
i don;t like using words like "going" or whatever. death is death. i just feel so dissociated and unable to do anything right now. but babysitter arrives soon and i have work to do. he is in pain and discomfort but still eating when i feed him by hand.
this love is so painful i love him so much... his 17th bday is in end of july. he's a leo/born in year of the monkey 1992.