I have Bipolar 1 "Disorder". I am "in the closet" in my career and need to express myself somewhere where I will not be recognized. My dog Elvis used to be a central part of this blog, but he died. Making comics about bipolar stuff used to be regular on here, but I don't have a scanner at the moment... so mostly writing...
Labels: body, fantasy, pissing, pregnant, self hatred, silly
posted by marlena rivers at
8:27 PM
my name is marlena rivers...yeah, sounds like a fake name or porn star name, and it is a fake name. no i'm not a porn actress, but i had to create a name for this blog. because i'm not OUT at work about the bipolar thing... so some of this blog is about the dual identity thing... because it is a trip and i feel like a double agent, posing at work as a "normal" person and out to some friends and family... This blog used to focus on my relationship with my little doggie but he died in 2009. It also used to involve comic strips. I hope to bring that back sometime soon. Meanwhile I'll be focusing on the idea of "hiding" my bipolar disorder and what that is like for me, and if it has changed since having the "baby" who is not a baby any more!
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10 Comments:
Hey we have the same specialty!
Glad you and baby are still doing well, I think of you both often.
I had never been overweight in my entire life, so at first I was a little nervous too. My husband was of no help. He had began to ignore me as soon as the blue lines appeared on the pregnancy test.
I guess I was lucky. My desire for a child coincided with a upward mood-swing. A good thing, because I gained almost 40 pounds. Turned out it was (almost) all water. I lost 3/4 of it within 4 days after birth. That was some peeing. :) Nursing took care of the rest.
So, looking back, I'm glad I didn't worry too much about it. But I really understand why others feel this way. We're all under a lot of pressure to be perfect these days, no matter what our issues...
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marlena rivers said...
hi nicole and amanda,
thanks for the support.
wow amanda, that's actually comforting to hear, that you lost so much of the extra weight so quickly!
i stupidly found out that my mother who had several children supposedly (according to her) only gained about 18 pounds with each one. for some reason that was more disturbing than comforting, or a little of both. i somehow have this irrational fear/pressure that i am not supposed to gain more than she did. she certainly did not put that in my mind and has only been supportive, but my mind can easily turn anything into something negative and self judgmental...
I love your new bunny persona.
In medicine cards, rabbits are about fear. I think of rabbits as being about running with the fear and refusing to stop! Also about taking frequent bunny breaks--holed up in a cosy nook with a pile of other warm bunnies for safety and comfort...
The comic on top was hilarious.
As for the second comic, do you think it's from not taking meds right now, being pregnant in general, or a combination of both? I know it can be kinda hard to tell though, so no bigs if you can't.
I had four kids...the first three I Had them by the time I was 22 years old and only gained 18 pounds with each of them...
My son, however, I was 33 years old and I believe I gained 25 pounds..
Just try to take into consideration that everyone is different.
To be honest, I SWEAR...everyone I know that gained 40 - 70 pounds during pregnancy are now skinny little terds! LOL!!!
But, everyone that I know that gained less than 20 pounds during pregnancy are now overweight...go figure!
I cannot LOSE weight...I never lost the baby weight and I am now 40 years old and my son is 7 years old!
This DOESN'T call for everyone - I am just picking out the people I know.
You're probably look like a light of sunshine right now...I think pregnant women looks awesome!
We are so critical of ourselves when in the end we don't look as bad as we think we do:)
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hi ls catherine and dreamwriter,
thanks for the comments. this bunny is full of fear right now...
it's true, it's impossible to tell what's from pregnancy and what's from no meds. probably both are not helping at the moment.
wow dreamwriter, now i guess i can be anxious either way! if i gain little weight i might not lose it at all, if i gain a lot of weight, it might be hard to lose or i may end up looking better. it's so confusing. i feel like having a baby my body gets punished either way. i just want someone to give me a guarantee that no matter what happens after i have the baby i'll be back to my old self. i'm sure i'll be back to my old moody self, not that i've been relieved of it thru pregnancy...
aawww don't worry about gainin or not gainin weight...everyone is different, before, durning, and after. you will be just fine.
I gained over 80lbs!!! when I went to the hospital to calf (I was as big as a cow) the nurse had me get on a scales, she kept pushing the little fuckin weight over and over and over...when it was just past the 200 lbs mark I got off...she told me I couldn't do that, I had to wait till she got the correct weight, I told her to write what ever the fuck she wanted on my chart...I was not getting back on the scales...she must have figured that I was crazy so she didn't ask me again...after Baby came it took a while but I got my weight down and since then (15 yrs ago) I have been up and down like a yoyo
with my weight but I just figure that is part of the fun of being a woman...hear me roar.
Don't worry you will be just fine.
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