not getting better
more of the same. not getting better. feeling bad for denzel and elvis having to live with me like this. soon i'll have another person in the house to feel guilty about having to be around me and my illness. sometimes i feel like i should have moved somewhere away from everyone i know and just deal with it without infecting other people.
Labels: depression, doggie, mixed state, pregnant, psychotic thinking, self hatred
posted by marlena rivers at
12:35 PM
12 Comments:
(((HUG))) (((HUG))) (((HUG)))
that's one for you one for denzel and one for Elvis.
you need them and believe it or not they need you!
you are doing a wonderful job with yourself...quit being so hard to yourself...sounds good on paper don't it...I really understand how your feelin and it's ok to feel that way...give it time and it will change...many times
one day you will be able to look back on this time of your life and feel ok with it...
keep tryin I'm here for ya
((((((((((marlena)))))))))
There's a quote which helps me during such times. "Bend like the willow, do not resist like the oak." I take a nice long shower and I try to let those feelings just wash over me. I don't pretend they aren't there, I just try hard not to look at them too long...
Thinking of you and yours.
Big hugs to you, my friend. Deep breaths and get some exercise. I used to complain to my therapist that prescribing walks for depression is like prescribing drinking lots of water for cancer. But, when it comes down to it, she is right about the walks. Very meditative. This too shall pass. And, as far as exposing your loved ones to your illness, well good people are made by their exposure to hardship. No one good comes from easy times.
yes, and i know it will sound hollow, but having known you for as long as i have, i hope i am allowed to say that i am confident that you are going to be one of the very best mothers of my acquaintance! i mean, it is not really fair to make judgments, everyone should be a mother in the best way they can & of course it is not really the case that it's sensible to compare, but if i was comparing i am just saying that i predict with confidence that you'll be great!
marlena??? are you around??? just stoppin in to see if your doin ok.
Still thinking of you Marlena. I know how powerful...how true these thoughts and concerns can seem to us when we are feeling down.
Contrary to popular belief, our babies don't need a perfect mother. They just need someone who really loves them. I'm not on any medication, never been to a therapist and I have about 3 tons of unresolved issues. According to the professionals, my son should have been a mess by now, and he's so not.
But every day I see children of "normal" parents who are neglected, abused and hungry. WTF? Personally I'd rather take my chances with a bipolar parent, who is aware of the issue.
crusin by...thinkin of you...
if ya don't feel like postin I understand...but maybe Elvis could drop in and let us know that you're ok...please
hi all,
thanks for the comments. thanks ol' lady for checking up on me. i've been pretty overwhelmed and unable to go to blogs or make another post but since this post i've been steadily doing a little better...
your comments are very supportive and mean a lot. i'm feeling more together and was able to do more yesterday but i'm getting overwhelmed with anxiety about dealing with my unpaid leave and figuring out work and what to do about childcare stuff. it's all so complicated and overwhelming.
but the good thing is my mood is more stable and manageable...
i still have moments of being resentful about being the woman in the equation and having to deal with so many issues... and annoyed that babies can't be like dogs. it would be nice if one could leave them alone for several hours without having to have them with someone all the time. that sounds crass i know but i'm really still thinking i'd do better if she came out as a dog or even an elephant!
Thank you for posting an update Marlena. So glad you're feeling better. That's the most important thing right now. The rest will work out. :)
You are pregnant my friend. Its OK to be a little off the wall, emotional, unpleasant to live with and all that good stuff.
Hang in there..it certainly gets better:)
The best thing I found to do when I was thinking of all the shit to come was to live in the moment (which is very hard to do)...what ever in the future happens it will happen, and some how some way it will work out...really.
Try going some where that you will get positive comments...lots of people think being prego is wonderful and they like to gush nice comments on women who are...it really is a moral booster to have some one excited for you just cause you are reproducing. Try a small specialty store, one for baby shit or one for womens clothes that is maybe being run by someone of the grandmother age. You don't have to buy anything just look and get into a conversation...tell them your lookin for something special...not sure what but something special. Caress your chubbie tummy while talkin, they usually think that your 'gettin in touch with the baby' and how wonder that it is.
I guess what I'm trying to say is forget about what's gonna happen cause it will no matter what. Do something that will make you feel important and special...cause you are. If you lived close to me I would do something sweet for you :)
Take care and I'm here for ya
thanks amanda, dreamwriter and ol' lady. i might post another prose paragraph. ol' lady, thanks for the suggestion. if you were nearby i'd certainly enjoy seeing you! going to any store right now where i'd get attention like that would not be ok for me with the mood i'm in. i find it hard to deal with the idea of anyone gushing or expecting me to be excited to talk about the pregnancy, especially strangers trying to sell stuff, but it is a nice suggestion for another time and mood...
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