the blues

i am feeling terrible. i left my psychiatrist two messages. i must have crie about five times at least through the course of this day. i just ripped up parts of my journal out of destructive self hatred. the baby is asleep and i coul be doing the things i always want to do but i'm just obsessing bout the fact that the dog is not eating his dinner. i am so frustrated with denzel sweetly cooking chicken fo rhim an dthen mixing it with his food and fussing with it in a million ways to make him eat. it gets to the point where i feel angry an want to scream at him to just eat a fucking plate of food to put me out of my misery. i just dont think hes sick i dont know why his appetite is so low. he ate some this morning and a little of what i gave him this afternoon. i know i would feel better if he ate his dinner right now. i'd still be depressed but i'd feel better.
my day is about food. feeidng the baby, going to the food store and buying food, thinking about how to make my dog eat more. reminding myself to eat. wanting to stop eating until he starts eating sometimes.
i feel so antisocial. i had one weird conversation with someone today that got me so sesitivea nd paranoid that i wanted to just retreat.