taxtime insomnia and paranoia
up late again, just took my meds. finally had time when baby was asleep to work on my tax records. not even up to the point of loading turbotax and starting the whole process, still going through my bank records and chaotic disorganized records of income and expenses. what a mess. and constant worry that i'll owe a chunck of money to the i.r.s. which i do not have in the bank. i hope not getting a paid maternity leave will help somehow.
my biggest paranoid nightmare is being audited. not because i'm doing anything terrible but because i'm very disorganized and the scrutiny, intrusiveness and feeling of my privacy being invaded would stress me out incredibly. i wonder if the i.r.s. ever audited someone until the person became psychotic, then would they continue the audit anyway? i really imagine being audited is on top of my list of triggers. other tops are loss of any kind, illness and injury, anything happening to elvis that could be scary, same with baby and denzel, obvious triggers. but losing our nanny was a huge trigger recently.
she actually called tonight to see how the baby was and how we were doing and if the new nanny was ok. she really misses the baby. i might take her to the park not in my neighborhood but where our former nanny goes with a different baby so she can see the baby again.
i went to the post-partem depression group today and it was a bit weird. drop in groups that are so intense can be odd.
i better go to bed. denzel is about to wake up and scold me.
my biggest paranoid nightmare is being audited. not because i'm doing anything terrible but because i'm very disorganized and the scrutiny, intrusiveness and feeling of my privacy being invaded would stress me out incredibly. i wonder if the i.r.s. ever audited someone until the person became psychotic, then would they continue the audit anyway? i really imagine being audited is on top of my list of triggers. other tops are loss of any kind, illness and injury, anything happening to elvis that could be scary, same with baby and denzel, obvious triggers. but losing our nanny was a huge trigger recently.
she actually called tonight to see how the baby was and how we were doing and if the new nanny was ok. she really misses the baby. i might take her to the park not in my neighborhood but where our former nanny goes with a different baby so she can see the baby again.
i went to the post-partem depression group today and it was a bit weird. drop in groups that are so intense can be odd.
i better go to bed. denzel is about to wake up and scold me.
posted by marlena rivers at
10:05 PM
5 Comments:
nice blog...thanks
I do my own taxes and the past couple years I've been terrified about getting audited. This year I ended up having to pay almost $200 to the state, but got about $400 back on federal. Taxes suck really bad. You know the government just wastes our tax dollars on stupid stuff when they could be doing something good with it.
yes indeed. and tonight i found out they could have used our hard earned tax dollars to give health insurance to a vet who lost two brotheers in iraq, was sent there after and became disabled, went home to a pregnant wife and was denied healthcare and the subsidies promised for education and some other sum of $6000 that he was asked to pay back. a congressman fought the whole thing but only got the $6000 thing waived and they allowed him to go to a hospital a million miles away on an army base for his poor pregnant wife! one can only hope that she has no immediate emergencies and has a long enough labor for a long car ride. this is the kind of thing that makes me disgusted with being american. what kind of support for troops is that//??? the president supports them when he deploys them and then adds to their already strife ridden loss ridden lives with no help or support when its really needed. at least they sent the guy home after his second brother also died there as well as the first. those poor parents...
Most of you know me as “Dreamwriter.” I recently
Launched a new blog called, “Bipolar Speaks.” One day something came over me as I was reading websites called “Post Secret” and also a blog who had a post where they had quotes from other Bloggers with mental illness about how they felt.
It occurred to me that WE need an escape to let out our feelings and frustrations. I know that a lot of bloggers say what they feel within their own blogs, but you are welcome to share your thoughts, opinions, and feelings.
You are welcome to help raise awareness and put a stop to the Stigma that lies within mental illness. We can change the world - one story at a time.
I thought it would be interesting
To design a “Safe Haven” for those who battle with a Mental Illness; and allow them to come and let out their most darkest, painful, and emotional feelings. This would be a great way to spread awareness by letting society know what is REAL about mental illness.
If you are interested, you can submit a story or short piece as an “Anonymous” contributor, or if you don‘t care about what others think, then feel free to reveal your blogger identity; its purely up to you.. I tried this several times and the “Anonymous” button works and ends up in my email as an “Anonymous” comment.
The rules and regulations are in the blog within a post. Take the time to read them thoroughly and I hope that you become a constant contributor.
Remember, we all have things on our chest to let out and we all truly don’t want others to know. But now is an opportunity for YOU to speak up, speak out, and be heard!
I know that I have a lot of feelings and issues that I don’t want my husband, friends, or family to know about…this is my chance to get it off my chest and I WILL be a constant contributor.
Depending on the issue, I might submit the story under both “anonymous” and my name.
Go to “Bipolar Speaks” and look around, don’t forget to display the Bipolar Speaks button on your blog and link it back to us.
By the way, I still have my other blog, so don’t forget about me over there, too. :)
bipolar speaks sounds great and good for bipolar insomnia which lends itself to original thinking even if it's confused and disorganized, like mine tends to be during episodes...
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