Sunday, October 28, 2007

baby breath medication

today was a manic day. so was yesterday and probably a couple of days were building up to it. i learned a lot of good things. one was that there is a lot of good medicine out there that i don't have to take as actual pills. the best medecine for my manic brain is to sit quietly with baby and hold her and listen to her breathing and feel her breathing while i breathe.
other good medecine for manic mom is using the boobies.
the next cartoon idea i didnt have time to draw was that left boobie is manic and right boobie is depressed. left boobie is next to the heart and right boobie is thinking too much and feeling bad about herself. left boobie feels high off of life.

other good medecine includes being with baby's cousins of different ages, 8 years and below.
other good medecine is being with denzel and elvis.
being wtih meaning really concentrating hard on focusing on BEING and on the WITH part. very challenging to do while having a brain that is in manic mode as it's about turning down the volume of the brain at certain times and at others allowing myself to be in the brain.

time to try to sleep. i have many more thoughts to talk about here. it's very nice to have a good place where i can share these thoughts. part of my problem with manic brain of mine for many years was not understanding where was the right place to talk about what was going on in my head. i didn't realize until a few years ago how important the right place, right time and right people is. this blog is probably the most right place right time right people as well as denzel and a few friends soemtimes. talking to people about it is tricky as it has to be the right kind of conversation to enter with this topic of me and my mania.

it's all about reading energy and focus and attention. most of the time the best thing to do with my manic brain is to use it in a very positive way-- which is to really work on the essence of being alive, just BE HERE NOW. when there are people around it is most tricky not to get sidetracked by my mind and lost in confusion as conversation with Different People is an art.
how do you have a good dialogue with an Other Person while you have several of your own Self People in your head that you are having some Mighty Interesting Conversations with.

the answer is that it requires a lot of FOcus and Attention and Discipline. while listening carefully to an Other Person adn trying to connect with that Other Person meaning fully, I am at the same time telling my Inside Head People to be Quieter or I'm quickly acknowledgin them and reFocusing my Self on the outside person. this requires a lot of Energy.

Meanwhile I'm learning how to be with baby person more fully and calmly. i try to get all my inside people selves to come together and hang out with baby instead of getting involved in side conversations about a lot of Old Stuff that is still inside me, so we can all be with Baby right here right now.

my inside people are all me, but sometimes they are wearing Costumes of other people. that's tricky too, the work involves telling them to take off the costumes of some other person. then i see that it is me at a certain age.

ok. my inside person mother is telling me to stop writing and go to sleep and share soem more Thoughts about How to Ride the Manic Waves ...(and have fun at the same time without hurting anyone)

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Moody Boobies

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

more daily boobie comix!

hi everyone,
motherhood so far seems to involve baby glued to boob and barely anytime for anything else.
the biggest stress is getting baby to gain more weight as she has been gaining but very slowly and so i'm often feeling upset about that and worried that i'm not "good enough" as a cow. we give her formula too.
no time to write anymore but i'm going to post the latest comics...