biting me in the ass!

I think that's the expression when your words come back to haunt you. funny that after this last post, and those comments, today i freaked out when i noticed i had missed two birth control pills in a row. i frantically looked up info and realized that yes, there was a tiny chance i could be pregnant. shit. i left a friend a message and she called me back and reminded me about the morning after pill, so called plan b, i had totally forgotten about that option, though i used it once before years ago... she mentioned that when she got it the first pharmacy they were super rude to her and refused to fill the prescription but it was a while ago. i assumed it would not be a problem. what a nice surprise to be reminded by the nurse on the phone that i dont need a prescription. wow! if some jerk politician starts taking this away, i will be more than pissed off. what a hard one right. it was interesting as they asked for proof of age, it was like being carded for taking the morning after pill. i guess teens do the same thing they do with beer. get a friendly adult to get it for them. then i wondered if denzel could have picked it up for me. anyway i was so relieved to take it and suspend catastrophic thinking about having to deal with an unwanted pregnancy while taking care of my lovely daughter... there's no way i could go off my meds, especially with the anniversary of my psychotic episode of last year approaching. halloween will never be the same for me. i have to wake up at almost 3 am to take the next dose of this pill.

i have no idea what all these extra hormones are doing plus the pill itself. i just hope i wont feel too grumpy or erratic tomorrow but of course it's worth it. i'm just glad i didnt vomit. if you take that pill and vomit, it won't help prevent pregnancy...

again i am grateful that there are still these kinds of choices in this country or at least my state.a small step forward. what a relief. sad to think of all those women who had to go through waiting to see if they really fucked up by missing a couple of pills when this morning after thing wasnt yet invented. what a great invention for prevention.

a woman's right to "choose"

i was reading one of my favorite blogs and was inspired to post on this subject. she was reporting on someone's judgment of her choice of job that she is working at while taking care of her young baby.

when i was pregnant and chose to have a c-section, i was struck by people's judgments. one of my friends who had two babies with epidural was supportive and talking about how it's great women now have choices about the birth of their child. but there are plenty of people out their who have their judgments about what kind of mother you are if you choose to have a c section. first we are judged on whether we choose to continue a preganancy or not. then we are judged on how we choose to have the child if we do choose to continue with the pregnancy. we are judged if we gain too much or too little weight while being pregnant. only a pregnant woman walks through new york city and has her privacy invaded by strangers asking questions. every one else here is accorded their anonymity and privacy.

then after we have the baby, there is all the judgments about breastfeeding and choosing it or not. i could go on about this. but you only have to google breastfeeding to see all the dif. judgments and choices out there. and it does not end there. people judge whether it is good or bad for you to go back to work immediately, wait a long time, work part time or full time,etc.etc.etc. including where you are working and who is taking care of the baby. just look at all the judgments people had about sara palin and her work schedule. i don't support her political views (and here is a woman who is being judged for her choices, who makes women and girls in her state pay for rape kits, and who does not support women's right to choose.)

it does not end there. just look at the kind of reporting there is on tv on mother's day. wow, does the US have an idealization and devaluation of motherhood going on.

end of rant. just to update people on my bipolar stuff. i have been taking extra seroquel for a few weeks now after a few scares when i thought an episode was beginning. i was worried i'd have to get back on depakote, but for now, it seems i can just up the seroquel...it's almost halloween, the anniversary of my psychotic episode of last year and i think that's been a big trigger.

baby has woken up.