i see people do these lists and thought i'd try one. but please read the comix from yesterday's post and comment there as it was a very big announcement for me!
1. i am pregnant and due in sept. of 2007
2. the baby will be a virgo born in year of the pig
3. elvis is a leo born in the year of the monkey
4. i am not married and don't want to get married
5. denzel and i will be together until one of us dies
6. i'll probably live longer
7. i think i will live to be about 111 years old. i had a psychic premonition about it.
8. i was depressed in high school but did not tell anyone
9. i went to a therapist for the first time my second year of college
10. i had my first manic episode when i was 20.
11. i became psychotic and was hospitalized.
12. i had another big episode several months later when i was travelling.
13. i was hospitalized in a clinic in paris.
14. the clinic in paris was good. the hospital in new york was awful.
15. in new york they tied me to the bed in a room alone.
16. i thought i was in heaven waiting for everyone in the world to die.
17. after everyone died my ex boyfriend i was still in love with was supposed to come and rescue me.
18. i started taking lithium after the second hospitalization.
19. i was diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder.
20. i was put on haldol during both hospital times.
21. haldol sucks. i felt like a zombie.
22. i was still manic after i got out of the hospital in nyc.
23. since then i have had many manic episodes and mixed states but never gone to the hospital again.
24. i found elvis in a pet store when i was manic.
25. this is exhausting and i'm only on number 25.
26. when i was five i told my mother, "i'm never getting married and i'm never having kids."
27. i'm afraid of needles, procedures, examinations and doctors.
28. i quit therapy about two years ago after 12 years with the same therapist.
29. i got pregnant a year and a half ago by accident and had to have an abortion because of the medications.
30. i went to a group therapy of people with depression and bipolar in 1999.
31. i talk a lot but i'm shy and don't like meeting new people.
32. i'm more comfortable with being around one or two people.
33. i hate going to big group dinners.
34. i've always been very rebellious and don't like being told what to do.
35. elvis hates rain and baths.
36. when elvis was a puppy he was scared of canes and umbrellas.
37. elvis is very jealous of denzel.
38. i don't like going away because i don't like leaving elvis behind.
39. i am very vain about my hair.
40. it's been less curly now that i'm pregnant.
41. i hate the cold weather.
42. i am lazy and procrastinate things.
43. i like lying in bed and hiding from the world.
44. i've become more open to country music.
45. i'm listening to roseanne cash's new album black cadillac right now.
46. i have a terrible sweet tooth.
47. i don't like exercising and have not done any in months.
48. i love walking everywhere.
49. i hate driving and don't have a driver's license.
50. i failed the driver's test twice a long time ago.
51. i don't have any motivation to get a driver's license and enjoy having other's drive me places if i have to get in a car.
52. i'd like to live somewhere that has no winter.
53. when i was in college i said i was never going to move back to new york.
54. i moved back to new york several years after college and have been living here ever since.
55. i love taking baths.
56. i love camping outdoors.
57. i have a phobia of going away from home and have to be forced to go on vacation.
58. elvis cannot go up and down the stairs because of his back and knees so i have to carry him.
59. elvis is one of the top ten reasons for getting up in the morning.
60. if i did not have elvis i would truly be out of shape.
62. i'm not sure how i will take elvis and the baby out at the same time as i have to carry both down the stairs.
63. i'm afraid of post-partem depression.
64. i never thought of myself as maternal until now.
65. i've had fantasies of giving birth to a dog.
66. i'm hoping to have a girl but of course a healthy boy will be just as great.
67. the times i'm most anxious about are the first year of the child's life and then the teenage years.
68. i think the happiest year of my childhood/teenage years was age 7.
69. i have tried lsd and psychedelic mushrooms and some other things.
70. my lsd trip was really crazy and intense and later i realized it was similar to a manic episode.
71. there are a lot of things i could say on this list that i will not.
72. my first crush on a famous unavailable person was david bowie.
73. my first crush on a real unavailable person was a friend of my brother's. i was four years old.
74. my brother is nine years older than me.
75. the first person i kissed was a scottish boy two years younger than me.
76. i was sixteen and in germany on a summer program.
77. i had a crush on a sweedish guy my age and wished it had been him.
78. elvis bites the air repeatedly when he wants a walk.
79. elvis does not mind this cold weather.
80. i wish i had a backyard for elvis. he is so happy to go outside.
81. last time i was manic i cried because i felt so bad that elvis' life is so limited.
82. last time i was manic i got a whole idea for a story from taking elvis out and staring at the pee from other dogs on the sidewalk.
83. i still have not written and made the pictures for the story.
84. it's called the grey day.
85. about ten years ago i got an idea for a children's picture book called "the flying poodle".
86. elvis was the main character and he flew places.
87. his owners in the book hired a medium to follow him in a magic chair to find out where he was going.
88. i start many things with good ideas and manic enthusiasm but then give up on them.
89. i feel dissatisfied with my success thus far in life.
90. i wonder sometimes if i had not been bipolar would i have accomplished more of my goals by now.
91. i like taking days off and staying home wasting time and hanging out with elvis.
92. i sometimes think of myself as an underacheiver.
93. i am afraid of certain people reading this blog and figuring out my real identity.
94. i'm craving a cappucino right now.
95. i love watching old movies from the 30's.
96. if i had a past life i was around during the 20's. i was a silent movie actress and died young.
97. i am not and have never been a morning person.
98. at one of my jobs i'd have to get there by 8:30 and i would find time in the morning to lie on my coat in my office and nap.
99. i feel very blessed and happy that i'm with denzel and we're having a love child!
100. elvis is one of my top inspirations to be a better more loving person.
Labels: craving, depression, doggie, fantasy, mania, pregnant
