still no comic strip...

feeling ok now but earlier in the day i cried a few times... yesterday i cried on the way to the baby party with denzel. my friend and her husband and beautiful baby had a very nice party for us but i was not in a great mood at the beginning. everyone seemed to have a good time and i was glad in the end that i had decided to have a coed party rather than a typical shower. we've gotten some great and lovely gifts for the baby.
plus the ice cream cake! i splurged on a yummy ice cream cake that was great. i had two pieces and i know it was good because my picky gourmet mother had two pieces. my father also came to the party and they enjoyed hanging out with my friends. my sister brought her kids and husband.
by the time we got home i was feeling uncomfortable and sort of muscle pain from the fetus moving around and stretching.
i'm still anxious about everything and also money.
today i took elvis out for his late birthday special walk to the park by the water and he enjoyed it and had a lot of energy. i cried on the way there and on the way home and when i got home.
denzel and i took a long walk in the pouring rain and got soaked looking at dressers to possibly use for the baby. there was a bamboo type tray at a store that we joked about being the perfect baby changer. we'll probably just change her on the bed or the dining room table with a towel. i'm starting to get annoyed at all the ridiculous marketing geared at making new parents spend money they don't have.
i feel huge and can't believe how big i am and don't recognize myself anymore though friends say the nice thing about me looking the same except for the big belly. at least my face is not all puffy. i dont' understand how people say they love being pregnant. i am happy to have the baby moving inside me but i don't love being pregnant. i miss my meds and my old normal body and being able to bend over and cut my own toenails and do activities like exercise (which i was so not into before being pregnant but there's nothing like being unable to do something to make you want to do it) and having energy. and the crying feels weird, i feel like i'm a kid crying and scared and helpless.
tomorrow we go back to the doctor.

anxious again...

hi, thanks for all the nice comments about soon to be baby photos/sonogram.
it's fun to imagine that face/head is inside me right now and quite surreal.
meanwhile i'm feeling quite anxious. just the usual things. hard to sleep at night and that's when i focus too much on not feeling prepared, feeling disorganized, worrying how elvis will adjust. worrying that we won't have all the stuff we need to have when she arrives, worrying that i'll have an episode and have to take meds and stop breastfeeding etc.
it's now the countdown to going to the hospital which is also anxiety provoking...
and i keep wanting to make a comic for the blog and not doing it...

happy photos!

3d sonogram pictures fresh from yesterday morning. note her adorable nose. certainly was the best thing for cheering me up! it was great to see her. she's now almost 4 pounds!

depressed

depressed and unmotivated. have not had any work so i've been napping and sitting on the couch eating crackers. the most i did was to take elvis for short walks. can't seem to do anything or bother with anything. have not been able to visit other blogs. feeling crappy.

a quick followup

hi everyone, thanks for the support and advice.
the good news is that elvis had a great time at my parents and they treated him as wonderfully as they have always done. my mother even took him for a very long walk yesterday. i seem to forget that she complains and vents and criticizes in advance of things and makes things out to be a disaster beforehand and then the reality works out much better. i know i get that quality from her myself and work on curbing it as i do recognize it in myself and denzel notices it when i do it and calls me on it. unfortunately my mother is not always so aware of her behaviors and it does not help to point things like that out to her.
but she really is very thoughtful and caring in the end and comes through.
however i am still in distress/stress about what to do soon when i have the baby. i'm hoping my parents will soften up and change their minds and offer to let elvis stay with them, especially if denzel can come over during the day to do some of the walks and then go back to the hospital.
meanwhile i guess i'll investigate other options, like finding a referral from the vet of a good person who might house sit and take care of elvis. there are people out there who are expert at taking good care of old dogs with specific issues and i'll have to do some research and consider spending time and money on it. a kennel or doggie day care is just out of the question. elvis will soon be sixteen and he is in good health at moment but has a chronic issue with his back and very specific diet and medications and also gets extremely worsened by stress of unfamiliar situations and my own stress, so putting him in an unfamiliar environment with total strangers and cages or whatever is not going to give me peace of mind...
i'll continue posting about this as it is a major source of stress along with everyhting else about having the baby soon, etc.

i'm also aware that i'm probably very nervous about how he will do with having the baby around. he is pretty much my first born child and i'm so attached to him that i want to make sure he's ok during this strange transition and change and addition of new member to the family.

by the way, we managed to have a great trip and it was nice to get away from the city and nice to come back and be reunited with elvis. i got my usual return to city adn my life anxiety tonight...